she told me i tasted like america
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
