Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
