so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
