WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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