when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
