I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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