If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
