Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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