I faked an abortion last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
