if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
