I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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