How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
