omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
