Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
