can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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