you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
