The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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