What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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