Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
