it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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