he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
