God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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