Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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