onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
