He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There are leaves in my underwear?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
