I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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