Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
