fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
