I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
