if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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