I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
