dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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