and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
