so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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