did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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