I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
