You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
