i don't like sucking hair
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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