The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
