Your face is a jimmy john
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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