My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize