so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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