she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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