My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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