Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
