I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize