you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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