Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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