guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
