We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
