I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
