I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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