do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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