the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
