i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
