talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
