sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
