I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
