Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
