I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
