i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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