tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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