i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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