party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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