Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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