ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
