oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Randomize
