So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
